A Wish From Hell (A Goddess in Nerima)
by Bean Bandit
Summary: Sometimes, odd as it seems, Ranma can get himself into situations just as easily as his father gets him into them...


Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine 

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine. They are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and Kosuke Fujishima. No, I merely snuck into their buildings in the dead of night and kidnapped them for my own, depraved purposes! BWA-HA-HA-HA-kawf-kawf!

Note: The events in this story take place six years before the Oh My Goddess manga, and shortly after the Shi Shi Hokodan storyarc.

Mission from Hell (A Goddess in Nerima) 

An Oh My Goddess! / Ranma ½ fanfiction

Chapter One: Past the Horse

Heaven, as most mortals might think, was a generally nice place to be. It was filled with pleasant colors and bright lights, with all the energetic bustle of a big city, but none of the disagreeable people. In fact, one of the more energetic engineers in Heaven had set it up so that every day, Heaven resembled a different modern Earth city. So, except for an unfortunate tendency to resemble Cleveland, Ohio, every so often, Heaven was a fairly agreeable place to live. Which isn't to say there weren't problems. Oh no. 

Like every city, there are people who are well meaning, but tend to cause trouble by virtue of their...shall we say...'energetic' natures. In fact, in the tallest tower in Heaven, in the office of Kami-sama, one such person had just met with Kami-sama, the 'Big Boss' of Asgaard...

Kami-sama watched as the teenage godling walked dejectedly from his office. His business with her concluded, Kami-sama turned to the deity who had observed the meeting.

"What do you think?" he asked Aphrodite, his voice low. Aphrodite stepped out of her hiding place, an executive washroom. The incongruity of such a thing actually being in the office of the one responsible for the running of the multiverse did not occur to her at the moment. No, She was far too angry with the young goddess who had just exited Kami-sama's office.

"I'm not sure exactly what you're attempting to accomplish here," the goddess of love said hotly. She glared at Kami-sama, light glinting off of the lenses of her glasses, as she tugged fiercely at the hem of her conservative business suit. "I still think you let her off too easy." 

Kami-sama smiled. "Calm down, Aphrodite. You have to make allowances for her youth, you know." 

Aphrodite scowled, sweeping an errant lock of golden hair behind her ear. "The hell I do!" she exclaimed. "'Youth' my ass! That girl is a disaster waiting to happen! She causes more trouble..."

Kami-sama shrugged, not losing the amused smile. He'd let the swearing slide this time. "Perhaps. She IS half demon, after all."

"Which means absolutely nothing," Aphrodite shot back. "You said so yourself. What she needs is discipline! Not some special assignment for the Goddess Relief Office! Why are you shielding her?"

"Urd has a great deal of potential." Kami-sama sighed. "Since her reincarnation, however, she's been unfocused. She's more interested in having fun than in bettering herself. Hence, her pursuing a secondary position in your department...And, after your refusal, the ensuing chaos..." 

Aphrodite snorted. "'Chaos', he says. Is a talent for understatement one of your divine abilities?"

Kami-sama smiled amiably. "Are you finished?" His gaze finally penetrated Aphrodite's anger, and she let out a huge sigh. 

"Right, right." She nodded in understanding. "She's only eighteen right now, right? Still, though, she's beyond a 'little' overeager. So, what's the deal with this special assignment for the GRO? You think time on the mortal plane will help her?" 

"Not exactly. She's been there before, after all. She just doesn't remember. It's more like...Some ONE on the mortal plane will help her." 

Aphrodite blinked in surprise. "Um...How do you mean?" 

"Actually, with what we saw in Belldandy's future, I thought we might do something similar with her sister." 

Aphrodite burst out laughing. "I'd like to see the mortal who could handle Urd this young. She'd eat him alive!" 

Kami-sama smiled mysteriously. "You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

Aphrodite eyed her 'boss', the laughter fading. "You've got something up your sleeve, don't you?" 

Kami-sama nodded, and explained what he had planned. 

Aphrodite listened, frowning. "HIM?" She gawked after he was finished, then her expression turned thoughtful. "Well, at the very least it should cure her interest in love triangles... She's a bit older than he is right now, though, isn't she?" 

"Only by two years, and that can be flexible if things go the way I feel they might." Kami-sama shrugged. "Besides, he'll be good for her. He has had the curse to deal with for some time, and his insight on balance of character might help with her struggles with her demon side. If they can work it out, Urd will have the experience to back up her sticking her nose into Belldandy and Keichii's relationship later on." 

Aphrodite smiled sourly. "When Urd knows what she's doing...watch out!"

Kami-sama grinned back. "So, you DO acknowledge that she has some talent." 

Aphrodite sighed. "Yes, she knows her stuff," the love goddess admitted, idly fingering a lock of hair that had come loose from the ponytail on the back of her head. "It's her tendency toward flamboyance that irritates me, and causes most of her problems."

Kami-sama nodded. "Hopefully, in trying to sort this situation out, she can work that out of her system."

"Sort this situa-" Aphrodite looked at Kami-sama askance. "If you have your way, this...'situation' will be messy, won't it?"

Kami-sama artfully looked offended. "Messy? Why would I do something like that?"

Aphrodite sighed deeply. "Right. That makes me feel better," she said sarcastically. "By the way, how IS our little project going? Bell is what? Fourteen now?" she asked suddenly, changing the subject. 

Kami-sama simply nodded. 

Aphrodite smiled slightly to herself; "Six years to go for her, and Urd now...Ok. I give up. You're never wrong." Aphrodite shrugged in resignation, looking up. "I still think she should be punished, but...It should be a blast to watch, in any case." 

Kami-sama smiled. "I knew you'd come around. As for the watching...The show is about to start. Shall we?" he asked, turning on a monitor on the oak-paneled wall behind him. 

Aphrodite nodded mock-seriously. "Oh, absolutely. What are Urd's assignment details?" 

"Simply that she's helping out the Goddess Relief Office with a special assignment so I can allow you the system resources to repair the damage her little 'accident' did." 

Aphrodite grinned evilly. "What about the extras that go with being in the GRO? Mind reading and all that?" she asked, taking off her glasses.

Kami-sama shrugged. "She's not a full time employee of the office yet, so she doesn't have the full range of abilities," he explained with a crafty smirk. 

Aphrodite giggled a little. "You're so sneaky you scare me sometimes." 

"Heh. Goes with the job description." Blinking, he seemed to remember something. "You know, I've been meaning to ask...what's with the new work clothes?"

Aphrodite looked nonplussed at the topic change, glancing down at her modest skirted business suit. "Utility," she said simply. "Looking like everyone's wet dream is all well and good, but there are gods as well as goddesses in my department. The guys never got anything done when I wore that gold chainmail bikini all the time."

"I suppose. That go for the hairdo and the glasses too?"

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "Those Greeks. It's all very sexy, but wandering around with nothing more than a tiny metal bikini covering the naughty bits and long wavy hair, that tends to get caught in the machinery up here, by the way, does not get you taken seriously in the slightest. And that isn't even mentioning that it's the coldest outfit you could ever possibly wear!" 

Kami-sama chuckled. "Who would have thought the goddess of love was so practical and modest?"

"What's wrong with that? There's nothing prudish about being sensible!"

Her only answer was more chuckling.

"Ah, shaddap and watch the show," Aphrodite grumbled. 

***

It was a bright, sunny day over Furinkan High. The sun was shining, (a definite plus if you were the victim of a Jusenkyo curse) the birds were chirping, it was just the type of day that made you glad to be alive. Unless your name was Ranma Saotome, that is. Then it was the day from hell, like great many before it.

Ranma groaned to himself and wished fervently that he could go back to bed and start the day over. It had been a fairly ordinary day (or as ordinary as he could hope for, in any case) until lunch. Then Ukyo showed up, bearing okonomiyaki. 

Split seconds later, prompting Ranma to wonder if they timed this sort of thing, Shampoo arrived. No, Ranma thought to himself, arrived wasn't quite the right word, as it failed to convey that she'd decimated part of the school's stone border in the process. Presumably she was there to deliver an order of ramen, but in actual fact, she had far more...amorous intentions.

Thus his awkward position. Ukyo was clung tightly to one arm and Shampoo to the other, and both began hurling vicious invectives at the other. Ranma sighed. No matter that he could easily eat them both, (lunches, that is, not girls) plus the bento Kasumi had made for him, and then some. This was just the way things went. Ranma's arms ached as he begun to feel a great deal of sympathy for taffy. 

He sighed deeply. It had been only two days since he'd beaten Ryoga in the challenge match. He was particularly pleased about this victory, as he'd managed to form a brand-new technique from what he'd gathered of Ryoga's Shi Shi Hokodan. However, the daily grind of what passed for his life was beginning to take the edge off of his pleasure. This fighting between the girls was getting really tiring. What else could go wrong?

As soon as the thought surfaced, he wanted to slap himself for tempting fate. Fate, who had a nasty sense of humor, demonstrated this as, sure enough, a resonating growl that he would recognize anywhere sounded behind him. 

"Rrrrrranma..." 

"Ahh, man." Ranma sighed to himself. _I wonder if she's still mad about that stuff I said to Ryoga during our fight? I DID tell him I was lying about being able to kiss her. _He tried to turn, but Ukyo and Shampoo were still holding his arms fast and arguing. He craned his neck around, and sure enough, there was Akane, a brilliant red aura crackling around her like a giant campfire. The rest of Akane's war cry rang out loud and clear.

"...NO HENTAI!" 

She punctuated the shriek with a kick that sent him hurtling into the sky. He wondered what exactly was perverted about getting both of his arms pulled off. As he shot past clouds and startled a low flying sparrow on his rapid ascent, he wondered about Akane's tastes. She seemed to get upset whenever his other two fiancées attempted to injure him. _So she's the only one allowed beating on me? Is that it? Maybe she thinks I get off on pain. Or...maybe SHE does? _He had a sudden mental image of Akane dressed in an outfit consisting entirely of leather straps, being spanked by a hood wearing Kodachi with nipple rings. He shuddered. _Where the hell did that come from? Ick!_

Ranma shook himself out of that line of thought as he came to the apex of his trajectory and began to descend. Unlike the previous times he'd taken this tour of the area, this time, he was going to land on an office building. He sighed. This was just getting better and better. He squinted as he noted someone was actually on the roof of the building. He could make out long, white hair...He began to panic as he realized he was headed that direction at a pretty high speed.

"HEY! LOOK OUT! HEADS UP!" he yelled as, sure enough, he was headed straight for whoever it was. As he closed in on the cement roof, and the person on it, with alarming speed, he was relieved to note a startled expression and a blur of movement seconds before he impacted with the roof, face first. 

After a moment, Ranma pulled his face out of the small crater he'd made in the cement. 

"Ite..." he groaned. 

"Do you do this sort of thing often?" 

The voice, which was pleasantly...throaty...sounding, surprised Ranma for a moment. As he turned to face the speaker, he sighed. 

"More often than I'd like ta..." he began, when he got a good look at the girl he was talking to, and his eyes widened slightly in surprise. She was an older girl, roughly Kasumi's age. To call her good-looking would be like saying the ocean was 'large'. The adjective fit, to be sure, but lacked the meaning to convey the whole truth of the matter. Luxuriant waves of long, platinum blond hair framed an extraordinary face of an ethereal, almost hypnotic beauty. His eyes met hers as he took note of the blue triangle-shaped tattoos at the corner each eye.

For a long moment, Ranma's stormy blue eyes locked gazes with her smoky gray ones as a peculiar feeling, akin to electric shock, passed between them. Then, unconsciously Ranma's eyes traced downward, over her slim neck to rest on the finest pair of breasts Ranma had personally ever seen. She made Shampoo, the best endowed of his fiancées, look like a fourteen year old. He was about to continue examining her, when he realized what was wrong with that thought. HE WAS SEEING HER BREASTS! She wore a striped bikini, that emphasized the lush swell of her hips quite nicely, but the part that customarily covered the chest was nowhere in evidence. Ranma panicked, and did the only thing he could think of. He slapped his hand over his eyes, and began to apologize.

"GOMEN! Gomengomengomen..." 

The girl, flustered with the intensity of the moment, looked confused for a moment. "What are you-? Oh," she noticed, looking down, "Topless. Right." 

Ranma nodded vigorously, his hand still clamped firmly to his eyes. 

"Well, that's ok. I've got nice breasts," said the girl dismissively.

Ranma began to panic. This was not a situation he wanted to be caught in, not even if he did agree with her...heartily. _Don't even think it, Saotome. Yer in enough trouble already_! 

"Um..." Ranma managed, "Could ya please put somethin' on?" 

"Why? I don't mind." The tone was suggestive, and Ranma could feel a warm trickle threatening to emerge from his nose. _Please, Kami-sama, don't let any of my fiancées see this..._

"..." he moaned. "Please?" Ranma heard an amused sigh, and then the girl spoke. 

"All right. That better?"

Tentatively, he opened his eyes. She had located the top part to the bikini, and put it on. She was covered now, at least, even if the sight of what was under it would follow him for the rest of his life. 

"Yeah, thanks." Ranma said as he got up. "Sorry 'bout almost landin' on ya and stuff. What're ya doin' up here, anyway?" 

She smiled tolerantly and gestured to the towel she had been laying on until Ranma had made his entrance. "Sunbathing." 

Ranma blinked. "On a rooftop?" He didn't know much about the ways girls did things, but that seemed odd, even to him. 

The girl smiled, a little sheepishly. "I'm waiting for someone," she admitted, pushing a lock of long white hair from her eyes. "My father's office had some trouble contacting him by phone, so I was sent here, because Father says he'll end up here sometime today." 

Ranma nodded in understanding and got to his feet. "Oh. Well... Hey, Do I know ya? You look familiar," he asked, blushing, as he took another, closer look at the girl. Something about those triangle shaped tattoos were tugging at his memory...

She grinned at him. "You know, that's not a very original line," she commented. 

"Huh?" 

"I mean, as a way to pick up girls, that's strictly Stone Age. You should probably use a better line than that." 

"Gurk!" Ranma choked as his blush went from 'mildly embarrassed' to 'may pass out at any moment'. "I didn't mean! I mean...er...sorry ta bother ya and all," he said hurriedly, and turned to leave when he was stopped by a hand on his. The unexpected contact from the beautiful girl sent a strange tingle, like electricity up his arm. He looked back at her nervously. 

"Oh no, you don't," she said teasingly, sporting a light blush herself. "Relax. You're the most interesting thing to happen all day. Sit down and tell me how you got up here." 

Ranma paused a moment, about to say he really should be getting back to school. He blinked that thought away in a moment. He had a perfectly good excuse to be away from school and he was going to head back? No way! He shrugged and sat down, rewarded by a pleased look from the girl. 

"I'm Urd, by the way," his companion said, offering a hand, palm facing down. She looked at him with a measuring glance.

"Ranma. Ranma Saotome," he said, taking the proffered hand and shaking it gingerly. Urd's look changed to a grin at his greeting. 

"Well, Ranma, how did you come to fly up here?" Urd asked bluntly. 

Ranma sighed, his mind finally off the odd attraction to this girl. "An uncute tomboy booted me up here," he sulked. 

Urd blinked at the odd statement. "Eh?"

Ranma groaned at the memory and briefly outlined the situation leading up to his impromptu flight.

"She sounds jealous," Urd observed after listening to his story. Ranma shot her a startled look. 

"Hah?"

"What is she, your girlfriend?" Urd asked curiously. 

Ranma stared at the pavement morosely. "No, one of my fiancées."

"ONE of-?"

Ranma nodded gloomily. "Yup."

Urd settled into her seat and leaned back. "This, I've gotta hear," she said smiling impishly. She withdrew a large bottle from behind her back. "Here. Have a drink and tell me all about it," 

Ranma looked at the proffered bottle. "No, thanks. I don't drink." 

Urd smirked at him knowingly. "Ahh. Can't hold your booze, huh?" Unknowingly, Urd had pressed the 'challenge' button in the recesses of Ranma's brain. 

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" 

Urd smirked. "Hey, hey, easy there, cowboy. It's no big deal. It takes skill to be able to handle alcohol without getting sick..."

Ranma glared, then snatched the bottle from the startled girl. In one motion, he took a long guzzle from it, and handed back to her. 

Urd shot him an amused glance, then tilted the bottle back and took a much longer drink from it than Ranma had. She looked at him, a challenge in her eyes. "So. How'd you end up with so many fiancées?" 

Ranma blinked as a smirk formed on his face. _So, that's the way it is, huh? Well, I accept your challenge! _He thought to himself. He took the bottle and matched Urd's quaff from the bottle, swallow for swallow. He handed the bottle back as he began to talk. "Well, It all started when Oyaji took me on a ten-year training trip..."

"...An' that'sh the whole shtory," Ranma slurred as he passed the bottle back. His gut felt funny, and his head was spinning, but he managed to get the whole story out. He turned to look at Urd, noting idly the ten empty sake bottles scattered on the rooftop around them. He noted with satisfaction that Urd was beginning to look unsteady, completely missing the fact that he was already thoroughly hammered. 

Urd took the bottle, staring at him dumbly. "Tha's...incredible," The white-haired girl murmured. "How d'ya put up with all that?" 

Ranma frowned suddenly; his muddied thought processes trying to sort out Urd's unfamiliar reaction. "It'sh nothin' special..." Ranma forced out, "I just do. I can't pick one without makin' everyone mad...It'sh a no-win shitua-sit...thing."

"Tha's...terrible." Urd frowned. "Your father's really made a mess of your life," she said sympathetically patting him on the back. 

"Ahh...sh' not s' bad. It'd be nice if I could get Akane t' shtop smackin' me, and getting' mad all th' time...and jus' talk t' me, like this."

Urd wasn't really listening at this point, as her brain pushed through the drunken haze to sort through what Ranma had told her about his life. A slow smile started to form as a solution to her problems, and possibly his occurred to her. If she could do something about his love life, Aphrodite would have to take her seriously! She opened her mouth just as Ranma began to speak again. 

"Heh. Yah, I like bein' able t' talk to someone without bein' smacked. Y' know, I wish you were one of m' fiancées so I...Eh?" 

***

Up in Heaven, Kami-sama smiled and raised his fist in victory. 

"Bingo!" he chuckled. 

Aphrodite shook her head. "Boys," she said tolerantly, smiling in amusement. 

***

Urd smiled as Ranma said it. He was a really sweet guy, when it came down to it. It was no wonder he had all those girls in love with him. 

It was about that time when Urd noticed she was starting to glow. 

"What the hell?" she shrieked. Ranma's bloodshot eyes grew wide as Urd began to emanate a soft white light and rise into the air. He scrabbled backwards on his hands and feet, crab-style, until he bumped into a wall.

"Wha-? It's not my fault!" he yelled, alarmed. "I swear!" 

At this point, Urd was beyond listening. She levitated in place for a moment as their surroundings seemed to grow dark, then threw her head back as a shining beam of pure white light burst forth from the triangle on her forehead, blazing like a beacon into the clouds overhead. A crack of thunder occurred, and no words were spoke aloud, but as the teenage godling and martial artist each collapsed, overcome by the spectacle and the alcohol combined, they each heard in their minds a warm, masculine voice speaking the last words they expected to hear. 

"Wish Granted," it said. 

***

Ukyo looked out the window of homeroom as the resonating crack of thunder echoed across the sky. She leaned over in her seat and addressed Akane, who sat in front of her. 

"Hey, Sugar. Do you think Ranma made his way back yet?" she asked. 

Akane was still doing a slow burn over the Ranma's shameless flirting during lunch, but she answered anyway. 

"No," she answered grimly. In a statement that was to prove her a prophet later on, she continued, "The baka's probably out getting himself into trouble again."

Ukyo blinked, then shrugged. Ranchan did have a knack for getting himself in strange situations, after all. 

AN: There it is! One of the things that have been taking my attention away from No Need For A New Start! 

This was a monster job to pre-read, but Thermopyle did a pretty good job, ne? Plus, He also gave me the title. As always, any remaining mistakes are mine alone.


End file.
